


Not Enough Until Now

by lighthousesoffalsechoices



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Blood and Violence, Falling In Love, M/M, Other, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24585172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighthousesoffalsechoices/pseuds/lighthousesoffalsechoices
Summary: Ijuuin Kyo never thought himself to be enough for anyone. A very unexpected attack may change that.A/N: Kusama Nowaki/Kamijou Hiroki/Ijuuin Kyou.
Relationships: Kamijou Hiroki/Kusama Nowaki
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Not Enough Until Now

**Author's Note:**

> This is an extremely rare pair, or threewaya. I hope you all like this anyway, please leave your comments and kudos!

He wasn’t stupid. He understood perfectly well that his chances with Misaki were none. In spite of how he acted or how much he tried to smile his problems away in front of everyone, his heart was in a constant state of pain. 

Doing his job was hard, he admitted. But somehow he still kept going and did his best to not fall into depression once again. That was quite easy for him to do, if he were to be honest. And it had nothing to do with his work but rather his personality. His body was still wearing the scars that he acquired by different knives that his own hands had wielded. And he couldn’t even say that he had stopped. Now and then, he would fall back into old habits and he didn’t know how to stop those, at least not eternally. 

But in spite of everything, he had to keep going. And that was what he was doing that day. He had a book signing at a local bookstore and he was actually happy about it. He truly loved his fans, and he knew that it was thanks to them that he became the man he now was. He always made sure to keep the fan letters he would receive as if they were treasures. And they were, at least to him. 

“Just four more people and we’re done for today, Ijuuin-sensei.” Isaka leaned down to whisper in his ear as he signed yet another of his mangas. 

“Really?” He looked up and blinked when he noticed that it was true. There were only four people waiting in line. He had been signing autographs for some good hours by now “I see.” He nodded before he closed the book and smiled softly up at the man in front of him. It really was strange to have males be fans of his work, but he welcomed them with a bright smile, feeling lucky that anyone at all liked his art “Thank you so much for your support.” He spoke in a gentle way. 

The man grabbed the manga and he smiled back. His hands were shaking and he didn’t leave “Thank you, Ijuuin-sensei.” He said quietly “C-Can I give you something? I made it with my own hands.”

“No.” Isaka intervened before the author could say anything “No gifts allowed.”

“It’s okay, Isaka-san.” Ijuuin said, putting a hand on Isaka’s arm before looking at the other man “I will accept it.”

The guy nodded with a big grin before getting his backpack and searching through it. 

\-----------------------------

“I’ll be there soon, Hiro-san.” Nowaki said with a smile as he entered the bookstore to pick up a couple of novels for his boyfriend “I just got in...Yes, I remember the titles and authors...Yes, I’ll only take ten minutes…” He chuckled, walking over to the historical novels and looking around “I’ll start searching now, Hiro-san. I’ll see you in a few minutes.” He said quietly “I love you.” He smiled and then hung up the phone. 

“I can’t believe I finally got to meet him!” A girl holding a manga commented as she talked to her friend “He’s so handsome!”

“I know! He’s like so perfect and his voice is so smooth! He was so nice too!”

Nowaki blinked and watched them leave. He then turned his head and noticed some people gathered at the back of the store “Must be a book signing.” He muttered to himself before going back to his search, feeling rather curious. 

\------------------------------

“Thank you so much, Ijuuin-sensei.” The man, finally grabbing with his hand what was inside the backpack. Isaka was on the phone and Asahina was searching some papers for him “And I’m....I’m sorry, but it has to be done.” He suddenly whispered, his expression changing completely. 

“Done? What do you…” Ijuuin’s voice trailed off as the man pulled out a hunting knife, but before he could do anything about it, the other threw himself on top of him, the blade embedded in his stomach as he fell backwards on the chair to the ground, the man was right above him, holding the end of the knife very tightly in his hands.

There was a single second of silence and then everything went to Hell. 

“No!” Isaka yelled before throwing his phone on the ground and rushing over to the author, who was crying out in pain and trying to push the man away. But Asahina got there first. He threw the man away from their author and he quickly pinned him to the ground, making sure he wouldn’t go anywhere. 

Ijuuin was laying down, his skin pale and tears pooling in his eyes as he held his hands on the wound, blood was sipping through his fingers.

“F-Fuck! We need an ambulance and the police right now!” Isaka yelled at the staff there as he tried to stop the blood with his own jacket in a rather messy way that didn’t seem to be doing much at all. He was shaking too much “I said now! He was fucking stabbed!” He barked out when he realized no one was moving. But after that, they rushed to get a phone and make the much needed calls. 

\----------------------------------

“Alright, one more to go.” Nowaki smiled to himself as he looked at the books in his hands. They were a bit harder to find than what he thought, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t wait to see his boyfriend’s eyes when he saw he got them all. 

“No!” Suddenly someone yelled, making the man turned his head just in time to see a big guy take another one down and pinning him to the ground. He narrowed his eyes to try and see better what was happening. Was it a burglar?

“...He was fucking stabbed!” At those words Nowaki’s eyes widened. The books fell from his hands and he quickly rushed to them without thinking. He was stopped by a couple of people, his eyes were completely focused on the man on the ground. He could now clearly see the blood.

“I’m a doctor! Let me through!” He exclaimed. 

Isaka quickly lifted his head “Let him through! Ijuuin-san is losing too much blood!”

Immediately he was able to get through. He knelt next to the man “What’s your name?” He quickly asked the wounded person as he lifted the clothes Isaka had placed and instead he tore a big portion of it. He then lifted the shirt to see how big the wound was.

“K-Kyo...I-Ijuuin…” He gasped, tears falling freely from his eyes. 

Nowaki nodded “I will wrap this around you.” He then started doing so before looking at Isaka “Lift his legs, he may go into shock.” The other man frowned deeply and he nodded his head, quickly doing as he was asked “Keep them up until the ambulance gets here. I will try to stop the bleeding as much as I can but it’s a big wound.”

At that, Ijuuin choked down a sob and closed his eyes tightly. Nowaki turned his head to look at him.

“You’ll pull through. I promise. I’ll stay with you until this is all over.” He didn’t know why he made that promise, but just looking at this young man’s face and the tears in his eyes made his heart clench. Alas, every patient in pain did, but this felt...different somehow “You have to be strong now.” Nowaki did the best he could to calm the patient down, to give him a reason to fight for his life “You were the author signing books, correct?” He tried to smile “Isn’t that really cool?”

“M-Manga…” Ijuuin whispered, his voice weakened.

“I like manga.” He smiled more “You’ll have to show me your work later. I’m not exactly an avid reader.”

“I-I…” Ijuuin’s eyes started closing.

“Stay awake for me.” Nowaki then asked “Tell me about yourself. How old are you?”

“I…” The blue eyes started drooping.

“Shit...is that bad?” Isaka then asked.

“Not exactly, since he doesn’t have a concussion. But I would still like it if he kept awake.” He then turned around to face the staff “Where’s the ambulance?”

“They said they’ll be here in ten minutes.” A man with a couple of earrings in his ear said “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Please wait outside for the ambulance. As soon as they arrive tell them that the wound is large and he’s losing blood rather fast. Uh...You are…”

“Yukina.” The man bowed before rushing outside. 

Isaka quickly turned to look at his lover “Asahina…”

“I have it under control.” He replied coldly, not removing his eyes from the attacker or changing positions “He’s not going anywhere until the police arrives, Isaka-san.”

“Is he dead?” The man suddenly asked, making everyone flinch at his voice. 

“He will not die.” Nowaki replied quietly, growing angry.

“Why would you do something like that?” Asahina then questioned the man “We thought you were just a fan.”

“I am! I love sensei’s work!” The man laughed happily “But...He deserved it.”

Asahina frowned deeply, feeling the need to beat him up, but not moving a muscle “Explain.”

“Sensei has to die...He has to die like this...That way he won’t ever get married...He can always be mine.”

“He’s completely nuts, Asahina. Just...let’s stop talking to him. The police will take care of him.” Isaka spat out, feeling completely disgusted at the man’s words.

“H-Hurts…” Ijuuin spoke quietly, opening his eyes again with the little strength he had left “P-Please…”

“The ambulance is on it’s way.” Nowaki quickly said. Isaka looked at the doctor very attentively “And once they arrive they will take care of you and make the pain go away. Please, bear it for a few more minutes.”

“D-Don’t...I-I…” The wounded man tried speaking but it was getting more and more difficult.

“I won’t let you die!” Nowaki suddenly exclaimed, making everyone go quiet “I won’t let you die. So don’t even think about it, Ijuuin-san.”

“The ambulance is here!” Yukina rushed back inside a couple of paramedics with him. 

Soon enough Nowaki told them about Ijuuin’s situation and they started working. 

\-----------------------------------

“I’m sorry, Hiro-san.” Nowaki sighed deeply as he paced around the hospital entrance, talking over his phone “I promise I’ll get you the books tomorrow.”

“It’s alright.” Hiroki reassured from the other side “It was an emergency. How’s the guy?”

“I’m not sure. As soon as he was wheeled inside I called you. They asked me to come with them since I’m a professional but...I don’t know if I was of much help. The police will want to talk to me too, I’m guessing.”

“This is crazy.” The man sighed deeply “Stabbing your idol...Who the fuck does that?”

“A very petty person.” Nowaki narrowed his eyes “Oh do you happen to know a manga author called Ijuuin Kyo?”

“Oh? Yeah I know about him. I never met him personally but some of my students like his manga. Pathetic, if you ask me. Why do you ask?”

“He’s the author that got stabbed.”

“Oh…” Hiroki gulped “No one deserves that…” He sighed deeply “Do you want me to go get you?”

“I don’t want to bother you, Hiro-san.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” Hiroki rolled his eyes.

“Hiro-san?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you bring me a change of clothes? I...His blood…”

“I get it. Don’t worry. You don’t need to explain.” 

\------------------------------

Around three weeks had gone by and the incident stayed deep inside Nowaki’s mind. The man’s face, his deep blue eyes were stuck in his heart and he didn’t know why. He had wanted to see him, to make sure he was now okay. 

He wanted to see those blue eyes again and he hated himself a little bit for it. For the implications of that desire burning in his heart every single day. 

He still continued with his life as usual, making sure to keep making love to Hiroki, reassuring himself that he still loved the man as much as always, maybe even more. 

But one Saturday morning, Nowaki was at the hospital while Hiroki stayed home since he didn’t have much to do. He could grade some papers later so he was taking it easy, making himself some breakfast when the doorbell rang.

“Good morning.” A handsome man, dark hair and blue eyes, was behind the door. He bowed deeply but hissed a bit and grabbed his stomach “I’m sorry to interrupt, is Kusama Nowaki home?”

“Who...Who asks?” He wondered, his eyes never leaving the other’s. The man smiled softly, almost gently and his heart made a strange flip. 

“I’m sorry for being so disrespectful, my name is Kyo Ijuuin. You see, I got attacked around a month ago and Kusama-san saved my life.”

“It’s you!” Hiroki’s eyes widened, his brain making the connection “I know what happened. Nowaki told me. Uh...Are you okay?” He asked at the way the other was still holding his stomach.

“I’m just fine…"

“Kamijou Hiroki.”

“...Kamijou-san.” He removed his hand away “Thank you for your concern. I really am okay. The pain is not as bad as it used to, but I have to move carefully or else it’ll hurt.” He then shook his head and lifted a bag “I just wanted to thank Kusama-san for what he did to me. I brought him a present, maybe it is not much but I really wished to speak to him to show him my respect.”

“You didn’t need to.” Hiroki shook his head “That guy doesn’t expect gifts, he does it from the bottom of his heart. That’s how he is.”

“I see.” Ijuuin smiled a bit and Hiroki gulped. 

What the hell was wrong with him?!

“Uh, do you want to come inside?” He moved a bit, a part of him wondering what the fuck he was doing “I was making some coffee for myself. You could have a cup.”

Kyo blinked “Are you sure?” He then bowed “Thank you, that is so nice of you.” He smiled before slowly stepping inside, not wanting to intrude “I am guessing then that you two live here together?” He asked as he removed his shoes before walking inside.

“We do.” Kamijou nodded his head, going to the kitchen to get the coffee.

Ijuuin hummed and he looked around. When the other brought the coffee he thanked him with a smile and then very slowly sat down “Thank you. It smells really nice. You two are very kind.”

“I-It’s nothing.” Kamijou’s cheeks turned pink at the compliment “It’s just some coffee.”

“You are still very kind to me. I’m assuming Kusama-san is not home?”

“He’s at the hospital. Sorry. He’ll be there most of the day.” 

“That’s quite alright. I also wrote a letter, in case I couldn’t see him, so that I could express my gratitude. I promise I will disappear from your lives after I walk out that door.” He said softly before sipping on the coffee. 

“You don’t need to.” Kamijou quickly blushed at his own words “I mean...He...I’m sure he’d like to see you. So maybe you could drop off some other time, or he could go see you.”

He wondered why he wasn’t jealous about this guy. He usually was when anyone would get closer to his boyfriend but this wasn’t the case. And why the hell was he feeling so nervous around this mangaka? Was there a reason why he found this guy...so damn attractive?

“Thank you for your hospitality, Kamijou-san.” Ijuuin said, bringing him back into the conversation. 

“You’re welcome.” Hiroki said “What happened to you was...crazy. I’m sorry.”

Ijuuin shook his head “It’s quite alright.” He said with a sad smile “There’s nothing to do about it now. But I will take a long break. I’m afraid I don’t wish to do much at the moment, much less having to meet with fans. But I am hoping to overcome this fear. I know most of my fans are loving and caring.” He then blinked and chuckled a bit to himself “I apologize. I don’t know what came over me. I am talking too much.”

“It’s alright. I imagine talking about it is important.” Hiroki smiled just a tiny bit at the man in front of him “It’ll be okay. Eventually.”

“It will.” Ijuuin agreed with a single nod. He then searched through his pocket and pulled out a small notebook before writing something down on it and tearing the sheet of paper to hand it to the other “This is my phone number. In case Kusama-san wishes to contact me. If he doesn’t, that’s just fine.” He then tilted his head a bit “I promise I’m not trying to take him away.”

Hiroki grew nervous at that “Wh-What?”

“Oh I’m sorry...I assumed you two were a couple. I apologize.”

“N-No...We are. It was just...unexpected.” He said and Ijuuin laughed very softly, making the other stare at him, his eyes widened and his heart racing. 

“I’m sorry.” He apologized once again “I didn’t mean to startle you.” He said, his velvet like voice resonating through the apartment. 

“That’s okay.” Hiroki said, turning his head away. Maybe if he didn’t look at the other then he wouldn’t get those strange feelings. 

“Oh? I see you quite like literature.” Ijuuin commented as he looked around. There were many books scattered around. He did notice Usami’s but he didn’t let that bother him too much. Everyone seemed to like that guy, huh?

“I do. I’m a literature teacher at university.” Hiroki nodded his head, still not looking at the other.

“Really? That is so interesting. I’m assuming you don’t have any manga lying around here, huh?” He teased lightly with a smile. 

Kamijou quickly moved to look at him “Th-That’s..I mean...I respect it! I just…”

“It’s alright, Kamijou-san.” Ijuuin chuckled behind his hand “I was just playing with you. Not everyone likes manga. I can understand that much.”

The shorter man blushed again but before he could say anything, Ijuuin slowly stood back up. He rubbed his stomach a bit before smiling.

“I should get going now. Thank you for the coffee, Kamijou-san.”

“Oh, it’s alright.” Hiroki stood up as well “Thank you for the gift. I’m sure Nowaki will appreciate it.”

Ijuuin shook his head “I am the only one that should be grateful. The doctors at the hospital told me that his intervention was what saved my life, since he applied the right pressure to stop the blood from overflowing.” He then chuckled again “I’m sorry, it’s not very nice to imagine, I bet.” 

“And I bet it was less nicer to experience it.” Hiroki tried to joke and the other hummed.

“You are right.”

\--------------------------------

“I’m home!” Nowaki called that evening when he returned to their apartment from work. 

Hiroki was grading some papers “Welcome home.” He said, looking up “How was work?”

“It was really calm for a change.” Nowaki removed his coat and put it on the rack before walking up to his boyfriend. He then sat next to him and wrapped his arms around his waist “Hiro-san…” He whispered against his ear “I want my ‘welcome home kiss’.” 

The other man blushed deeply before putting his pen down and turning his head to kiss him “Welcome home.” He said softly after breaking contact. 

“I’m home.” Nowaki whispered with a smile. When he was about to kiss Hiroki again, something caught his eye “What is that? Did you buy something?” He wondered. 

“What-Oh that. That guy you saved dropped by this morning.” He told him, his heart feeling rather strange remembering that handsome face “He wanted to thank you for saving him.”

“Ijuuin-san was here?” Nowaki blinked before stretching his arm to grab the small bag, he was still hugging his boyfriend with his other one “He didn’t need to bring me a gift.”

“That’s what I told him. But it’s not nice to reject presents. Open it up, I wonder what it is.”

“Could you do it for me, Hiro-san?” Nowaki said, handing it to him so he could wrap both of his arms around Kamijou’s waist and rest his chin on his shoulder.

“Do it yourself.” He scolded but still opened it up. He pulled out a black velvet box, medium sized “Shit, this looks expensive.”

“I’m starting to feel bad.” Nowaki said quietly.

When he opened it up, it revealed a beautiful and elegant wrist watch. It was silver with small blue stones stuck around it.

“Now I feel bad.” Nowaki said, his eyes widened “This is...too much. This place is too expensive...Why would he do this?”

“Seems he really is grateful.” Hiroki gulped, wondering just how much money did this guy have “He should spend his money on actual security next time.”

Nowaki chuckled “Hiro-san, don’t be mean.”

“Oh there’s a note.” He gently placed the box on the table in front of them before grabbing the small piece of paper “Do I read it?”

“Sure.” 

_ Dear Kusama-san, _

_ I wish I knew how to say thank you in a proper manner, but I certainly hope this is at least good enough.  _

_ Before the incident I was actually debating with myself whether being alive was worth something or not. But what happened truly opened my eyes. You opened my eyes. You didn’t know me, yet you were devoted to save me. To save someone like me.  _

_ Maybe this life is worth it as long as there are people like you around.  _

_ I hope you like my present, I noticed your watch was broken.  _

_ Thank you,  _

_ Ijuuin Kyo. _

Both men kept quiet once Hiroki finished reading the note out loud. Nowaki felt a strange sadness overflowing his heart. It was rather bittersweet: on one side he was really happy about even getting such a nice present from that guy but on the other hand he felt truly sad about what he had written. The note was nostalgic rather melancholic even. He wondered why he felt the need to see this man again and reassure him that he was worth it, that it was okay and that he wasn’t alone.

Hiroki was confused. He felt as if he needed to be jealous of this mangaka but he really couldn’t. Even when he tried really hard to look for those feelings, there really was nothing. He felt bad for this guy and at the same time he couldn’t help but feel his heart burn in a rather sweet way when he remembered those eyes and that voice. 

He bit his bottom lip as he thought of that soft and gentle smile. 

“He left me his phone number this morning.” He told his lover, turning his head to look at him “In case you wanted to call him.”

“He...did?” Nowaki blinked before smiling “I would like to call him, actually. To thank him for the present.”

“I thought as much.” The other sighed deeply before reaching out to grab the small piece of paper on the table “Here.”

“Thank you.” Nowaki said, grabbing it and putting it back on the table “I will call him after.”

“Eh? After what?”

“After I make love to you, Hiro-san.”

\-----------------------------------

“I don’t care, Isaka-san.” Ijuuin was standing in his balcony, sipping on some tea as he looked outside. A storm was clearly on its way, but he didn’t mind that much. He’s always been really fond of them “I don’t want a press conference, I don’t want to be seen right now.”

“Your fans are really worried, Ijuuin-san.” Isaka sighed “I was just proposing it to you. You don’t have to accept but… You need to think what you want to do from now on. I told you we will make sure security is tighter than ever. That was our mistake I cannot apologize enough. But eventually you'll have to move on.”

“It’s too soon.”

“I said eventually.”

“Are you going to stop working with with me if I can’t move on?” He suddenly asked and he heard Isaka sighing deeply on the other side of the line.

“Of course not. If you want to stay hidden in your house the rest of your life then I’ll have someone pick up your manuscripts and that’ll be it. No more press conferences or autograph signing. You have my word.”

Ijuuin took a deep breath “I will not decide something like that so soon.”

“That’s good. There’s no need to rush. It hasn’t even been a month. Oh and by the way…” He could almost hear Isaka smirking “Chibi-tan asked me many times about you. He was really worried, you know? He said you aren’t picking up his calls. He wants to know if you’re okay but he doesn’t want to impose.”

“Just tell him I’m okay, Isaka-san.”

“Are you asking me to lie to him?” 

“I…”

“I understand. I will pass your message to him. Should I add a ‘please don’t try to contact me anymore’ in that?”

“Isaka-san…” Ijuuin shook his head even if the other couldn’t see him “I have to go now.”

“I get it. I won’t bother you anymore for now.” Isaka said “We’ll be in contact.” He then hung up the phone. 

Kyo looked at hit for a moment before putting it in his pocket. He then stared at the grey cloudy sky. He knew Isaka maybe thought he had been kidding about his feelings for Misaki. But they were real, just like the pain he was feeling due to the rejection. How many had it been already throughout his life? How many times had he been told that he could only be loved as a friend? How many lonely nights had he spent so far? All of them? 

Somehow he was brought back to his childhood. It was something he never liked talking about. His parents had never loved and that was a thing he’d always had embedded in his mind, pretty clear. He had been a mistake, an accident not meant to happen, product of teenage hormones.

Raised in a broken home and surrounded by yelling and constant beatings, his only source of happiness had been his pencil, sketchbook and dreams of showing the world his characters and stories. 

That’s what he’s done and his heart remained broken. Though mended through the words of those who enjoyed his art. He had grown to disguise himself behind expensive clothes and fine perfumes, though there were times when he would simply trip and fall so deep he thought he would never come back up. 

Takahashi Misaki had saved him once, when no one else would, and so he ended up falling in love with him the more he knew him. But of course, he was already taken, his heart already belonged to someone else. And as always, he didn’t have anyone to himself. He didn’t get a home to go to. Only a big apartment full of nothing. 

It had been scary, but maybe he would have been better off dead by the blade of that man. 

“Isaka-san, I told you I’m not doing that press conference.” He spoke into the phone after it started vibrating inside his jeans. 

“Eh? Hello, Ijuuin-san? I’m Kusama Nowaki.” 

“Kusama-san?” Ijuuin blinked “I’m deeply sorry for that. I didn’t see who was calling.”

“That’s alright. I wanted to call you to thank you for the watch. It’s beautiful, but it looks too expensive! Are you sure you want to give it to me?”

Ijuuin couldn’t help but smile a bit at those words. This man seemed to be too kind for his own good “Of course I do, Kusama-san. It was the only thing I could think of giving you.”

“It’s perfect, thank you.” Nowaki spoke excitedly “But...How did you know my watch was broken?”

“It was, wasn’t it?” Ijuuin wondered “It’s just, when you lifted my shirt I saw it. It was cracked and stuck at 6 AM. It was around 5 PM when I was finishing with the book signing.”

“You are very observative, even for someone that had just been hurt like that.”

“Maybe.” Ijuuin chuckled a bit at that. When he noticed it started raining he walked inside of the apartment and closed the balcony door with his hip “I’m glad you liked the watch.”

“I did...Ijuuin-san. I don’t wish to impose but...Are you okay?” 

The man kept quiet, gripping the phone tightly in his hand as he sat down on the sofa.

“I’m sorry, Ijuuin-san. Maybe I shouldn’t have-”

“Do you mean the note? I am okay.” He knew he shouldn’t have added that. Was he crying out for help? Who the fuck did he think he was? “Please do not concern yourself with me, you have done more than enough.”

“Are you sure? I really don’t mind. We all go through difficult times in our lives.” He said “But even then I’m sure I’m not understanding you at all. I’m sorry.”

“You’re too kind, Kusama-san.” Kyo smiled softly “Thank you. I have to get to work now, I apologize.”

“Oh no! I’m sorry for taking your time! Please take care of the wound. How is it by the way?”

“Healing. It’s still painful to do certain movements.”

“I imagine. It was really big and deep.”

Ijuuin chuckled “Indeed. Thank you for everything, Kusama-san.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” Nowaki smiled as well, not wanting to say goodbye “I’ll see you around…”

“I’ll see you around.” Kyo said gently before hunging up the phone. 

He closed his eyes tightly and leaned against the sofa. His heart was beating fast and he didn’t know why. 

\---------------------------------

After that phone call, life had gone on like it usually would for Nowaki. He tried his best not to think of that manga author but eventually he always found himself failing. There were times when he was too distracted. Sometimes he even took some of the space destined to Hiroki and that was killing him. Yet he truly wanted to see that man again, he wanted to see him without that pain expression on his face. He wanted to know how he was like when he smiled. 

Ijuuin was not okay. But he had never been so that was nothing new. He still tried to have some sort of normality going on in his life. He actually started writing and drawing again but those were little stories that he didn’t intend to get published. He was merely experimenting with different genres and characters. 

But since he had been locked up in his house he decided to go out and walk around some. 

He ended up visiting a new cafe, in hopes that maybe he could have a good time there, even if he was all alone. 

He smiled at the barista that gave him his coffee and then walked to a table that was right next to a window and sat down. It was a bit strange being outside so casually, he had to admit that he was somewhat nervous about it. Every person that walked by his table made him flinch slightly but he tried not to show it. 

“Ijuuin-san?” A voice called from beside him and strangely enough, he didn’t feel nervous at all. 

“Kusama-san.” He blinked before smiling a bit. He stood up and bowed slightly to him, minding his injury “I didn’t expect to see you here.” He then noticed the taller man was wearing his medical scrubs. 

“I could say the same.” Nowaki said, his everlasting smile shining brightly on his face “Can I sit?” He pointed with his head at the chair right in front of Kyo’s. The other man nodded and sat down as well “I’m actually on a small break from the hospital.” He said “I was allowed to come get some coffee here since the machine there broke down. But I only have a few minutes of freedom.” He joked. 

“I see.” He nodded and then sipped on his coffee “You doctors have it rough, huh?” 

“We do. But I love my job.” He smiled brightly “I love being able to help children. Oh I’m a pediatric doctor.”

“I see.” Ijuuin nodded “That is very nice. Children deserve all the happiness in this world.” He said quietly “It’s very...sad when they don’t get to grow up happy, don’t you think?”

“I agree.” Nowaki said “I at least can try to make their physical pain less, stop or be more bearable.” He smiled sadly “But that’s not always the case.”

“I imagine. Life is a complete mystery.” Ijuuin commented “It’s not your fault.” He then said very softly and Nowaki’s eyes widened very slightly “Whenever something bad happens, and you feel like you should have done more, like you failed. You didn’t.” He then chuckled a bit “I’m really sorry, if I stepped over a boundary.” He was quick to apologize “I just get the feeling, considering how kind you are, that you get these thoughts if things don’t go how they should.” He added “Sometimes, there’s not much to do, right? And that’s the worst feeling.”

“You…” He took a deep breath “You are right, Ijuuin-san. It’s exactly how I get. Thank you.” He then leaned closer to the other, almost without realizing “Those words are just what I needed to hear today.”

“It’s just how I feel and think.” Kyo smiled, showing a gentle expression and tilting his head slightly to the right. 

“It’s more than enough. And again, thank you for the watch.” He then rolled up his sleeve and showed it to the other, Ijuuin blinked.

“You are wearing it.”

“Of course I am, you gave it to me.” Nowaki grinned happily and Ijuuin just stared at him, wondering about the warmth filling his senses. The taller male then looked at the watch and stood up “I should go back now. Will I...See you around?”

Kyo showed the other a small smiled and nodded “Of course. Have a good day, Kusama-san.”

“You too, Ijuuin-san.” He bowed a bit before turning around and leaving. Feeling lighter and much more excited than before.

Ijuuin-san’s smile was truly beautiful and kind. 

\----------------------------

Ever since that day, around a month ago, Nowaki hadn’t been able to go pick up the books Hiroki had wanted. So on his day off, he went by himself to an old book store nearby the university. He didn’t exactly needed, but they were some books he had been trying to get for a while.

He suddenly huffed “Why are these on sale? These are pure gold!”

“I agree with you.” A voice spoke from behind him, making him flinch. He turned around and noticed that mangaka standing right behind with his same warm smile “I’m sorry if I startled you. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay.” Hiroki sighed and shook his head. His hands suddenly felt clammy, and a part of him knew that he didn't have to wonder anymore about why that happened. He was already thirty years old, he couldn’t allow himself to be that clueless. 

It didn’t make it hurt any less.

“How have you been, Kamijou-san?” Ijuuin then asked, he was holding a couple of books about Japanese architecture.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” Kamijou couldn’t help but sigh, trying to keep a smile from coming through his hard demeanor.

“I’m quite alright. It hurts less and less with each passing day. I saw your partner the other day. It’s a very fortunate coincidence I’m meeting with you today.” He smiled.

“Yeah, Nowaki told me.” He didn’t miss the way his boyfriend smiled or the light shining through his eyes. He wasn’t stupid. But he wasn’t that angry either “I don’t know what you told him. But he was pretty happy.” It was true.

Kyo then blinked “I just talked about his job. I didn’t say something special. But…” He bit his bottom lip before smiling again “...I’m glad my words lift his spirit. It’s the least I can do after what he did for me.”

“That idiot really doesn’t think you owe him anything.” Kamijou tried to reassure the other “He really is happy just by helping others. I guess it’s what he was born to do.”

“It makes perfect sense.” He said softly. 

Hiroki blushed and looked away “I didn’t know you liked architecture.”

“Oh? This?” He showed him the books he was carrying “These are just for inspiration. I do draw for a living, after all. Maybe this can help inspire new stories for the future.”

“Hm? Inspiration?” He tilted his head before shaking it up and down a couple of times “I do have some books that may be of help. I, uh, usually prefer those that have as little pictures as possible. But I still have some that have very interesting places. I have full of different drawings of clothing from the Edo Era.”

“Really?” His eyes lit up some, yet they still looked rather serene “Those are harder to find than what I thought. And although you can find it on the internet I still wish to have the paper in my hands. I hope you understand what I mean.”

“Oh, I do. I really do. I feel the same. I honestly don’t like the internet that much.” Hiroki chuckled “Maybe it’s another of the reasons why my students call me Devil Kamijou.” He joked lightly “I always make them read the actual books and they always have to do everything handwritten for my class.”

Ijuuin lifted a hand to cover his mouth and he started laughing very softly. Hiroki thought that there was no way an adult man could look so adorable. Yet it was happening right before his eyes “I feel sorry for your students. But I assume it will teach them discipline.” He said, lowering his hand once he was done laughing, yet a tender smile was on his face. 

“I can understand the reference.” He teased the other man.

“Yeah, I guess I do too. But the nickname honestly just makes me proud. I don’t want my students to slack off.” Hiroki commented as he grabbed the last book he wanted “I’m done here, what about you?”

“I am as well.” He nodded and they both walked over to the cashier. 

After paying for their books, they stood right outside the bookstore. Ijuuin pointed to his left “My apartment is that way.” He said.

“Mine is the opposite.” It made him feel disappointed to know that he wouldn’t continue talking with this man. He seemed smart and that was a trait that he really liked in people. Something hard to find, in his opinion.

“Then I will see you around, Kamijou-san.” He said softly “Do you...think we could exchange numbers?” He then wondered “I’m sorry for imposing. I just really enjoy talking to you.”

Hiroki nodded, and in spite of his trembling hands and the excitement filling him up, he gently grabbed the other’s phone when it was handed to him punching his number in “Please call me soon.”

Ijuuin blinked and looked at him as he grabbed his phone back.

“I-I mean-” What the hell was so wrong with him? Why was he so damn desperate.

“I will, if that’s what you want.” Kyo nodded and then smiled before bowing a bit “We’ll stay in contact then. Please say ‘hello’ to Kusama-san for me.” He said before turning and walking away. Even his damn walking was graceful.

\-------------------------------

Days, even weeks went by, and both Nowaki and Hiroki had been talking to Ijuuin almost everyday. They never lied to each other about it, or hid it, but they hadn’t been sincere about their feelings. 

How could Nowaki ever tell Hiroki that he was falling for another man even while still loving him dearly? How could he when he couldn’t even explain it to himself?

Hiroki always thought that Nowaki was the love of his life, and although that statement was not less than true, it was as if now this new was slowly becoming someone he didn’t even know he needed. 

Was there a void he didn’t even know existed being filled?

One night, Hiroki was in front of the coffee table, trying his hardest to grade some papers but failing to do so. All he could think about was Ijuuin and the guilt he instantly felt. He took his glasses off and rubbed his face before standing up to get himself some tea. Just then the door opened and Nowaki walked inside. He didn’t look any better but he still smiled at the sight of his boyfriend. 

“Welcome back, Nowaki.” Hiroki said and the other hummed.

“I’m back.” He then removed his coat and his bag before walking right up to Hiro and wrapped his arms around him. The shorter male slowly did the same and buried his face in the other’s neck “Hiro-san...I...I met Ijuuin-san today.” He spoke quietly and Hiroki started trembling “He went to the hospital for a check up. Luckily everything’s okay. We chatted a bit about his job.” He didn’t know why he was talking about this to Hiroki, as if Kyo was some common friend they had.

Yet his boyfriend was indeed very interested “What did he say about it?”

“He told me he’s been feeling really down. He doesn’t want to get back to working. He also mentioned that maybe it was just his fear speaking and that he still doesn’t want that to control him. So he will try. I...I told him they gave you that award, for your hard work at the school. He was really happy for you, Hiro-san.”

“I see.” Kamijou nodded before slowly pulling away to look deep into Nowaki’s eyes “Nowaki I-”

“I know.” The other said softly with a loving smile on his face “I know, Hiro-san. You don’t need to tell me. I’ve see the way your eyes shine when he texts you or how you smile after you’ve seen him. It’s how you react whenever you’re talking to me.”

Hiroki bit his bottom lip, his eyes filling up with tears. His hands gripped Nowaki’s clothes tighter in them “I’m so sorry, Nowaki. I promise I still l-love you all the same.”

“I know that too.” The taller man’s hands then moved to gently cradle the other’s face in them “Hiro-san, I want you to know that I love you just as much as always. But I have to admit that I have been feeling the same about Ijuuin-san.”

Kamijou’s eyes widened “I...I knew it. I guess I didn’t want to believe it. I can’t get mad at you.” He smiled bitterly “I can’t be an hypocrite.”

“I’m sorry, Hiro-san.” Nowaki said “I’m sorry. I don’t know why this is happening. I promise I’m very happy with you.”

“Yeah, same here.” Hiroki then gently grabbed the other’s hands in his own “What are we going to do now, Nowaki? I don’t want to break u-”

“No! I’m not breaking up with you.” Kusama spoke firmly as he frowned “I love you, Hiro-san. That never changed. I guess...We’ll have to deal with this?”

“How?”

“I’m not sure.” He shook his head “It’s so strange, that we both feel the same for the same person.”

“Yeah…” Hiroki gulped as he nodded “I’m not angry either.” He said softly “I thought I’d be, if you ever told me something like this. But I really am not.”

“Hiro-san.” Nowaki sighed deeply “Hiro-san...I-I want to be with him. I’m so sorry, I want to be with you too. I want you both. I wonder if that’s okay or if I’m just crazy. But I...When I’m with him I feel at peace and I always find myself thinking that all I need is you to be there as well. For the three of us to be together. Am I going crazy?”

“I...feel...the same.” Hiroki then looked up at his boyfriend and got on his tiptoes to kiss him softly on the lips “Did you notice that he always covers his mouth when he laughs?”

“I did…” Nowaki then leaned down to kiss him again “Did you notice how...gentle his eyes are?”

“He has a beautiful smile.” Hiroki added, kissing Nowaki again. They both started walking towards the couch until they were laying on it, making out very gently with each other. 

“His voice is so peaceful too.” Nowaki said as his hands started roaming around the other’s body “Hiro-san, I want him.”

Hiroki groaned “Shit... I want him too.”

\--------------------------------------

It was a bit strange for them to be able to go out on a date but they still managed to find some times for themselves a few weeks later. Hiroki had worked really hard to make his free day be the same as Nowaki’s. 

They decided to go to a nice restaurant and afterwards get some coffee at an old coffee shop that was quite calm. 

When they entered the place, Hiroki looked around for a place to sit and his eyes widened when he noticed Ijuuin sitting alone. He was at a large table, a cup of coffee next to him alongside with a slice of cake. He had many papers scattered around and was drawing some sketches. He was also wearing blue framed glasses.

“Nowaki.” He then caught his boyfriend’s attention before pointing at where Ijuuin was “Look.”

“Oh…” The taller man then chuckled “This is some big coincidence, huh?” He smiled a bit before looking down at the other “Do you want to go talk to him?”

“Y-Yeah, do you?” He asked back and Nowaki nodded his head. 

Ijuuin was pretty focused on what he was doing. He felt really happy at being able to draw again, to think again of stories to share with the world. Maybe it would take him some time to actually agree to a press conference or book signing but working on his art was something that truly brought him peace. It was nice to be able to draw without feeling so pressured for a change. But even then he knew that Marukawa wouldn’t eternally wait for him and that made him somehow anxious. 

“Ijuuin-san?” A voice called him and the man looked up. His eyes widened slightly when he noticed both Kusama and Kamijou standing right next to his table “We’re sorry to disturb you. We saw you when we entered.”

“Hello.” Ijuuin couldn’t help but smile at them both “I’m sorry about the mess.”

“It’s alright.” Hiroki smirked. 

“Do you mind if we take a seat, Ijuuin-san?” Nowaki then wondered and the man nodded before he started arranging the papers so they wouldn’t bother the couple.

“Of course. I don’t mind the company.” He definitely didn’t. Not when it came to these two men at least. The couple sat down in front of him “We keep on meeting like this.” He then commented as he smiled “Without meaning to.”

“Maybe it’s fate.” Nowaki then said and Hiroki couldn’t help but blush a bit at that. Ijuuin blinked in confusion but he then decided to change the topic. Maybe it was fate. 

Both Nowaki and Hiroki told the waiter what they wanted and then focused back on the man sitting in front of them. 

“Cake? Do you like sweets?” Hiroki then asked as he pointed at the half eaten slice on the table. 

Ijuuin chuckled a bit at it and then nodded “I do enjoy sweets a lot but it’s not like I just get cake every single night. Since it’s my birthday I imagined I could allow myself to get a slice.”

Both men stared at the other for a long moment. 

“Today is your birthday?” Nowaki wondered and Hiroki sighed deeply “How old are you turning?”

“I’m turning twenty-six.” Ijuuin showed them a small smile.

“I’d imagine you’d be hanging out with friends.” Hiroki commented and he quickly regretted those words as he noticed the way the other’s blue eyes turned sad “I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s alright. I’ve already celebrated with them.” It was a petty lie. He did celebrate with his coworkers since they insisted on going to his house to bring him some presents. He guessed he could call them friends. He at least hoped so. But it was alright, he was used to it. 

“Then maybe we should celebrate.” Nowaki smiled brightly and Hiroki almost sweatdropped right there and then.

“Eh?” He questioned his boyfriend who smiled at him and nodded. He looked like an excited puppy. 

“We’re all here together. So maybe we can celebrate, at least for a bit.”

“Are you sure? But aren’t you two on a date?” Ijuuin wondered “Why would you want to put a stop to that to celebrate with a stranger?”

“You’re not a stranger.” Hiroki told the other “And we are willing to do that for you.” As soon as those words left his mouth he quickly turned his head away, feeling rather embarrassed. Nowaki smiled lovingly at his partner. He knew his Hiro-san could be adorable when he wanted to. 

“That is...very kind of you two.” Ijuuin spoke quietly, still rather unsure “But only if you’re sure about it.” He said “You don’t have to do anything for me. You’ve already done more than enough.”

“We want to, right Hiro-san?” Nowaki looked at his partner who shook his head up and down. 

“Of course. It’s your birthday, you should get spoiled. If only for today.” He added. 

“Well then, thank you.” Kyo smiled a bit at them. He was feeling really nervous. He of course felt honored that they would interrupt their date for him, although he questioned the reasons behind that, but at the same time he felt as if he was unworthy of such attention. 

“What were you doing, Ijuuin-san?” Nowaki then asked, looking down at the sheets of paper on the table. 

“Just drawing some characters. I don’t plan on doing anything special with these. But I thought maybe I could try doing something different for a change.” He spoke gently as he looked down at the drawings “Maybe if I have these then I can go back to working on something.”

“Did you stop altogether?” Hiroki and then asked and the man nodded.

“I did. I honestly didn’t feel like I could do anything new or even continue with my old work.” He sighed “I have always thought that being famous was what I wanted. Now I’m not so sure.” He smiled at them.

“Hiro-san and I have been reading some of your work.” Nowaki smiled “We really like it.”

“N-Nowaki!” Hiroki elbowed him.

“What?” He held his stomach “It’s true. Ah, Hiro-san doesn’t exactly like manga but he said nice things about your- Hiro-san!” He complained when he was elbowed again.

“Shut up, Nowaki!” Hiroki exclaimed, red with embarrassment. 

Ijuuin stared at them as they argued rather playfully before lifting a hand to cover his mouth. He started laughing very softly. Both men stopped and looked at him. They then looked at each other. Nowaki smiled softly at Hiroki and the shorter man gulped and nodded.

“You should laugh more often. It really suits you.” Kusama spoke quietly and that made Ijuuin stop. He blinked before lowering his hand. His cheeks were pink dusted and he couldn’t understand why. 

“Th-Thank you.” It wasn’t normal for him to stutter. Although he really wasn’t a confident person, that didn’t mean that he went around stuttering or showing all the doubts that usually filled his mind “That is something I definitely haven’t been told before.” He said as he hummed.

“Nowaki is just like that.” Hiroki shrugged and the taller man pouted. Ijuuin felt like laughing again but he didn’t. 

They continued chatting like that for a couple of hours. Ijuuin ended up laughing some more. He never thought he’d meet people he could get along with so well. He didn’t show his true self to anybody but with them it came naturally. It was as if he didn’t have to overwork himself to show overconfidence. He could let go and talk about his insecurities and fears.

Eventually it was getting rather late and so it was time for all of them to go back home. 

“How did you get here?” He asked the couple as he got his keys from his pocket when they stepped out of the cafe. They had paid for his coffee and cake even if he had insisted that they didn’t need to.

“We took the bus and walked.” Nowaki said.

Ijuuin nodded. He then pressed a button and walked over to a rather expensive looking car before opening the door “I can drive you back, if you want. It’s not safe to be walking around so late at night.” He wasn’t just saying it, he truly was worried about them. He wanted to make sure they would make it okay. 

“You really don’t have to.” Hiroki said and Kyo shook his head.

“It’s the least I can do. Please?” He then smiled gently, his eyes almost begging to be able to spend at least some more minutes around these two.

“We shouldn’t reject such a kind invitation, Hiro-san.” Nowaki said and his boyfriend nodded. 

“Please come in, then.” He opened the back door for them so they could sit together, before going to the driver seat himself. He put on the belt and then started the car.

The drive was rather smooth. Ijuuin truly felt light and relaxed for the first time in a long while. He had been far too nervous about seeing Takahashi Misaki or Usami Akihiko around Marukawa so he had decided to drown himself in work. Then the attack happened and his anxiety was redirected.

A part of him felt truly mad about the fact that Kamijou-san and Kusama-san were together. He was somehow jealous and envious, but the worst thing was that he could see himself liking Nowaki. The man saved his life and he would be forever grateful. He was a hero, his hero. Yet he also thought he could really like Kamijou-san as well, the man was smart and cautious with his feelings and thoughts. He liked people like that.

But he didn’t like dwelling anymore on things that just couldn’t be, so maybe it would be best if he simply erased those thoughts from his head. 

They continued with their conversation until they arrived to the apartment complex. He parked the car and then looked back at them both, unlocking the doors.

“Thank you for letting me drive you back.” He smiled gently at them, looking at them through the rearview mirror. His eyes were longing to not be left alone that night, but he knew exactly what would happen and how his night would end. 

“Thank you for driving us back.” Hiroki smiled a bit. His eyes smiled then disappeared. None of them made a move to leave.

"You are not alone, you know?" Nowaki suddenly said. Both his and Hiroki's facial expressions changed completely. They were much more serious than before, although their eyes still held some tenderness they didn't even realize they would show this man "Hiro-san and I are right here. You can confide in us." 

Ijuuin's eyes widened. He certainly wasn't expecting something like that to come out of their mouths and although it left him speechless, he felt warm inside as well.

"Eh?"

Hiroki sighed deeply as he put his hands on his hips "Look, we know this all may be strange to you. And we get we aren't really best friends here. But we both...like you. And we don't want to see you suffering."

Ijuuin opened his mouth to talk but Nowaki shook his head "We know that you are, Ijuuin-san. We are not blind. We don't want you to be hurting." 

"I do not understand. Why do you care?" He finally asked, his voice full of uncertainty.

“Why wouldn’t we care?” Hiroki then wondered as he arched an eyebrow “You are a good guy. Do you really think your life means nothing?”

Ijuuin turned his head away and he gripped the steering wheel tightly in his hands, not saying anything. 

“Ijuuin-san, we don’t wish to impose, but we really are concerned about you.” Nowaki added. 

“I’m not a charity case.” Kyo said but those words weren’t pronounced with malice.

“We know.” Hiro then sighed deeply “We don’t mean it like that.”

“When you care about someone, you get worried about them. You want them to be alright, isn’t that natural?” Nowaki asked and Ijuuin slowly let his hands fall.

“I...I do not know what that is like. I don’t think anyone’s ever truly cared for me. My childhood is complicated and throughout the years all I ever found in this industry were fake people, heart break and a stabbing wound. I’m afraid I know nothing about being cared for.” He then looked up and showed them a soft yet sad smile, his eyes were damp yet he refused to let any tears fall. 

It was as if a switch had been turned in both Nowaki and Hiroki. They looked at each other before getting out of the car. The mangaka blinked in confusion and then turned his head when the door on his side was opened by Nowaki. 

"Ijuuin-san, please take my hand." He then asked as he stretched it and the older man could only look at it. 

"Why?" 

"Why not?" Hiroki intervened. There was some sort of fire in his eyes, but he didn't seem angry. 

"I want to hold you in my arms." Nowaki spoke quietly yet rather firmly "I wish to erase that sadness, Ijuuin-san." 

"K-Kamijou-san is-"

"I'm okay with it. I-I kinda want to do the same!" He exclaimed nervously "So just do it."

Ijuuin Kyo had been an accident, a mistake not meant to happen. Yet, at that moment, he felt as if he was important to someone. 

He slowly stepped out of the car as he grabbed Nowaki's hand. And once he was completely out of it he was pulled into strong arms and against a chest that was home to a rapid beating heart. 

He couldn't remember the last time that he had been hugged. 

Wasn't that sad?

"You are okay." His hero whispered in his ear. Ijuuin's cheeks were bright red and his eyes were wide open "And if you aren't, we'll take that sadness away." He felt the man stretched one arm and soon enough he felt a second pair of arms around his body, this time from behind. 

"I would just give up." Hiroki said quietly from behind him "Nowaki always gets his way, that...that bastard."

Said man chuckled "Thank you, Hiro-san." 

"That wasn't a compliment, idiot." He scolded. 

"Wh-Why…" Ijuuin gulped, he didn't move away but he didn't return the affection. 

"We care about you, Ijuuin-san." Kusama answered the unpronounced question “We were really worried when we read that letter. But we promise we don’t pity you, we want you to be okay. You are a nice person, you deserve happiness.”

“We feel we c-can’t stay away.” Hiroki said quietly, shame washing over him. He held Ijuuin tighter. The man was really warm and he smelled nice. He didn’t smell as he had bathed in cheap perfume, but rather as if he had put just the right amount of a fine one.

“I’m only interrupting you.” Kyo said, pressing lightly against Nowaki “You two were on a date. I’m just a third wheel. I am sorry about this. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“But we do. And you are not interrupting anything. We want you here. Right here where you are.” Nowaki spoke, his voice leaving no place for argument. 

“You don’t know me, Kusama-san, Kamijou-san.” His voice was weaker, didn’t have any resolve in it. He was putting up a fight only because he felt like he had to.

“I know you always cover your mouth when you laugh.” Hiroki muttered.

“You like cheesecake and your coffee with half milk and a lot of sugar. That is not healthy, Ijuuin-san.” 

“You prefer consulting historical resources to draw. But you inspire your stories in modern sights.”

“You’d like to work on other stories but you prefer to focus on the main one since it’s what your fans like the most.” 

“Please...Kamijou-san...Kusama-san…” Ijuuin stopped them before biting on his lower lip “It sounds like you are flirting with me. And I want to ask you to stop.” He gently pulled away from them and they didn’t try anything else “I don’t need false hopes or to be played with. I don’t want to sleep around.” He shook his head before bowing “I’m sorry. I am still very grateful, but I will go back home.” He then straightened his back and turned around to get to his car again. 

They both looked at each other and Hiroki sighed deeply “We are not playing with you.” He then said and Ijuuin stopped dead in his tracks “I never play or joke. It doesn’t suit me.”

“But we don’t want to pressure you into anything, Ijuuin-san.” Nowaki added “For now, and if you allow us, we just want you to be okay. To show you that your life is worth it. We offer to be whatever you need us to.”

“I will see you later. Thank you for today.” Kyo spoke quietly before getting into his car and driving away. 

\----------------------------------

Days went by and Ijuuin had not contact Nowaki or Hiroki. He also didn’t even get a single message from either of them. A part of him tried to reassure himself that it was because they were only respecting him and waiting for him to make the next move. But his bigger side insisted that it was because he messed up, he truly wasn’t worth it and that he was someone that could never be truly loved and easily forgettable. 

It’s what he’s always thought about himself, that wouldn’t change that easily. 

He locked himself up in his apartment, his mind repeating what had happened over and over again as his heart was longing to be with them. He missed Nowaki’s laugh and Hiroki’s conversations. And now that he knew what it felt like, he missed Nowaki’s strong arms around him and Hiroki’s more insecure ones, yet full of a passion that he couldn’t describe. 

He thought of Takahashi Misaki and he discovered that he only felt bitterness towards the boy. He had long to have someone love him and he thought maybe Misaki could be that person, considering he already loved the artist part of him, yet the only thing he did was humiliate himself and act like a complete desperate man who longed for only a tiny bit of affection.

That was exactly who he was, but it didn’t mean that he enjoyed showing that side to others. 

In the end, he was as lonely and depressed as ever. Nothing had truly changed except for the fact that he now longed for two men who were in a relationship with each other. 

Clearly happy endings didn't exist for him. 

_ They said all those nice things about me, though… _

He shook his head and stood up, closing his laptop and going to the kitchen. When he was about to get himself some coffee, there was a knock on his door. He quickly thought that it must be a neighbor since the person was already in the building.

Ijuuin sighed and he walked to the door. He opened it with a smile "Yes? What-" His eyes widened when he saw that same man that had attacked him at the book signing. He quickly tried closing the door, but the guy, who was bigger than him in both height and weight, opened it and pushed him roughly, closing the door behind him and locking it up. 

"We're finally alone, Ijuuin-sensei." The man smirked, he licked his lips and slowly walked up to him as the mangaka shook his head and tried getting away from him. 

"N-No...Wh-What are you doing here? How did you get here? Help! Ple-" his mouth was covered by the other's big hand as the man threw himself on top of him. 

"I couldn't finish my job that day." He said "Please don't be afraid of me, Ijuuin-sensei. I realized that I don't need to kill you anymore! I just have to make you mine. That's a lot better, isn't it?" 

Kyo shook his head as he struggled against the man, he tried pushing him away but the other was too strong. 

"I can see it. I can be on the news by your side. I can hold your hand, kiss your cheek and tell you how much I love you. We can be so happy!"

Ijuuin struggled some more, he started moving his legs as well until he could kneel the other in between his legs. The other groaned and pulled away quickly due to the intense pain and Ijuuin took that chance to make a run for the front door. He unlocked it and opened it but he felt the man's hands grabbing his head and smashing it against the wood. He cried out in pain when he felt his nose cracking and a warm liquid coming from it. He still pushed back with all his strength to get his attacker away from him. Since that seemed to work, he opened the door and rushed outside. He could feel the man's heavy steps right behind him, even as he rushed down the stairs.

_ No, please...not like this... please… _

Just as he was nearing the building's front door, he noticed a woman coming inside. He gasped and made a ran for it, pushing her on accident and going outside. He could hear some screaming and shouting behind him. 

As soon as he got outside, he tripped and fell. His face had blood smeared around and his nose was slightly crooked. 

_ Please...get him away from me… _

"Ijuuin-san!" 

He heard his name being called but he couldn't see well due to the tears in his eyes. He tried to stand up but he couldn't and fell again. 

"Nowaki! The bastard is escaping!" He heard someone yelling close to him before he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"L-Let go! Let me go!" He found himself yelling, trying to push the other person away. 

"It's me! Damnit, it's me!" Suddenly a couple of warm hands grabbed his face and he found he was now looking deep into Hiroki's eyes "It's alright. It's just me." 

Ijuuin suddenly felt his body relaxing due to the big relief he felt. He choked down a sob and gripped Hiroki's clothes tightly "H-He tried to-"

"I know." Kamijou then gently brought him into his arms, trying to hug him in a way that he would mind his face "It's okay. I'm here." 

"K-Kamijou-san…"

"I know. We were stupid... We're so sorry, we shouldn't have let you go." He sounded terrible frustrated and Ijuuin's eyes widened. 

"It's n-not your fault." 

"Look at your face." Hiroki shook his head before grabbing a napkin and gently pressing it underneath the other's nose to try and stop the bleeding "That bastard got you good." 

"H-He knocked, I-I didn't know-" Ijuuin shook his head, he was slowly calming down now that he wasn't alone anymore. He felt he would be perfectly fine as long as Hiroki remained by his side, treating him with so much care. 

"I get it. We were dropping by to talk things through when we saw you like this and…" He turned his head. Nowaki was talking to some police officers "I'm so glad we came." He then said softly "You're okay now." 

That was something he could believe.

\--------------------------------

It was a few hours later when Ijuuin was released from the hospital. Both Nowaki and Hiroki stayed with him and he felt extremely grateful. He didn’t know how he would be feeling if he didn’t have their support. 

It was only after talking to the police and Isaka-san that he was finally able to relax and head back to his apartment. 

"I look like a monster.” Ijuuin joked when they arrived at his place. His hands started shaking but he hoped he was hiding them well enough behind his back. 

“You look just fine.” Nowaki smiled tenderly “Ijuuin-san, do you mind if Hiro-san and I stay over tonight?” He then asked and the mangaka gulped, wondering how could they see right through him. 

“I imagine you two are very busy, you can’t just put your lives on hold for me.” Ijuuin shook his head and Hiroki did the same.

“It’s not putting them on hold, is sharing them with you. We...We need to make sure you’ll be safe tonight.”

“You don’t have to do that. But-” He stopped himself when he saw Nowaki was about to say something “I...I want you to be with me tonight.” He admitted very quietly “Being alone right now is... scarier than what I’d like to admit.” He then smiled, just a bit since moving his face too much brought pain and discomfort. 

“Then let’s head inside. I can cook something for us.” Nowaki smiled and Hiroki rolled his eyes.

“I’ll do it.”

Once inside, Ijuuin looked around with sad eyes. Although this apartment wasn’t exactly what you would call a home, it still was the place he lived in. Full of memories. 

He turned his head and noticed that his coffee table had been knocked down and his laptop was on the carpet. He didn’t know if it was broken, but it was a big possibility. So he knelt down to try and pick it up, but before he could, he felt warm hand on his hips, helping him back up.

“We’ll do it for you, Ijuuin-san. You are wounded, you need to sit down.” Nowaki smiled before gently guiding him to the sofa as Hiroki started picking up the computer and papers before getting the table to it’s right position.

“I don’t know if this thing’s still alive, though.” He then announced as he set it on the table.

“Thank you.” He told them with a smile “You two really do spoil me too much.”

“It’s because you deserve it, Ijuuin-san.” Nowaki said as Hiroki walked to the kitchen to start cooking. 

Ijuuin turned his head to look at them. They moved around his apartment as if they belonged there, and he wished they did. It was truly something different to have people around his apartment. It was true that they weren’t the first people to ever spend the night or to move around his house but this felt unique. He didn’t get these feelings before with anyone else. 

He couldn’t help but smile to himself, in spite of all that had happened that day and of the fear still clinging to a deep part of his heart. These two men were really capable of doing such a thing to him. 

_ Maybe they are what I’ve been looking for. _

He closed his eyes and let himself rest against the sofa. 

“Hiro-san, it smells delicious!” Nowaki smiled at his boyfriend who huffed.

“It’s all I could do with so little. This guy really needs to take better care of himself and do some actual grocery shopping for once.” Hiroki said before he started serving the food. 

“I’ll go wake him up.” Kusama hummed before kissing Hiroki’s cheek. 

“Eh? Wake him up?” He turned and then realized that the mangaka was actually sleeping on the couch “Maybe we should let him sleep a bit. He had a rough day.”

“He needs to eat. He can eat and then go straight to bed.” Nowaki said before walking to the sofa. He started shaking the man’s shoulder very gently “Ijuuin-san, dinner’s ready.” He said softly.

Ijuuin blinked and then opened his eyes. He looked sleepily at Nowaki and the taller man felt the strong need to keep him safe. The way he was looking at him with those unfocused eyes, pink dusted cheeks and the bandage on his nose only made him look vulnerable. Even if he was actually really tough. 

“Dinner?” He asked and blinked a couple of times more before slowly straightening his back and stretching his limbs. He hissed and gently touched his nose “That still hurts.”

“It will hurt for some days before it starts getting better.” Nowaki smiled, hoping to be able to do something to erase the pain. But there wasn’t much to do rather than let the body heal on its own.

“That sure is comforting.” Ijuuin joked before standing up to go to the table “Thank you for this, Kamijou-san, Kusama-san.” He smiled at them as he sat down “I’m sorry for being such a bother.”

“Stop it, Ijuuin-san. It’s alright, we told you.” 

“I’m still very grateful.” He said softly “Not anyone would do such a thing.”

“Then shame on them. I look after those I care about.” Hiroki said rather roughly, trying to mask his true feelings, as he started eating. 

“I see…” Kyo said softly before he started eating himself. He smiled a bit “This is really good. I wish I knew how to cook like this.”

“I can teach you.” Hiroki said “It’s not that hard. Oh and you have to get more fruits and vegetables. All you have around are sweets, pastries and instant food. It was really hard to come up with a meal!”

“I apologize.” Ijuuin said softly “I usually don’t pay attention to my health.”

“Yeah, I can tell. That is going to change. Doctor here is not going to let you do whatever.”

Nowaki chuckled “I am not a nutritionist, but I do know a thing or two about how to eat healthily. I can consult with an specialist about balanced diets as well.”

“My nutrition is not that bad.” Ijuuin tried to complain but he quickly shut up at the look Hiroki was giving him. 

“Pastries and instant ramen are not meals.”

“I just forgot to get new food, that’s all. I was going to.” Ijuuin pouted a bit and he blinked when they both looked at him “Did I say something wrong?”

“Nothing.” Nowaki shook his head as he smiled. 

\----------------------------------

After dinner, the three of them were sitting down on the sofa. Since it was rather big they could fit well but even then they had to sit very close to one another. For some reason, Ijuuin ended up right in the middle of the two men. 

And for some stranger reason, he was talking about his childhood with them. But it felt absolutely right and not forced at all, like it did whenever he was sent to therapy. 

“There is not much else to say.” He said softly “My parents were really young when they had me. I guess they didn’t know any better. They didn’t love each other and I think I was the proof of that. They hated me. And still hate me to this day, though they have been trying to mend things. But...There are things that cannot be forgiven, I’m afraid.”

"That sounds rough. I'm sorry, Ijuuin-san." Nowaki said and Hiroki nodded in agreement. 

"It is alright. We all have rough stories." Kyo said. He's always known very well that he wasn't special just because he had suffered. There were many people out there who have gone through worst things. 

"Yours is still valid." The taller man added "And you've had it rough recently too."

"Yes." He nodded and then gently touched his bandaged nose again "The police said he had managed to escape and was being persecuted. The first thing he did was come find me." He shuddered "He managed to get through the main gate as well I... I-I'm not sure how I'll go on."

"He's a sick bastard." Kamijou frowned deeply "I hate those type of people. He's a sicko."

"He told me he wanted to be with me. And appear on the news with me." Ijuuin spoke very quietly, not noticing the anger in their eyes "Kiss me and hold my hand in front of everyone. He's... terrified." 

"He will never have you!" Nowaki suddenly exclaimed.

"Or hurt you again. We will make sure of that." Kamijou added. 

"That…" Ijuuin chuckled and then hissed in pain "You can't do that." 

"We can if we are close to you. We don't want to see you in pain again."

"Or have someone take you to themselves." Nowaki added. 

Kyo looked at them both "You two are together."

"We are." Nowaki nodded. 

"We've been for nearly nine years now." 

"That is a very long time to accept the possibility of a random man to ruin that for you." Ijuuin's voice was weak. 

"You are not ruining anything, Ijuuin-san." The taller man shook his head "We have talked about this, many times. We are sure of what we want." He then gently grabbed his hand. 

Hiroki's hand was shaking slightly as he grabbed Kyo's as well. 

"So it's alright. If you don't...want this then that's okay. And if you do, we are willing to try. So no damn excuses!" Hiroki spoke with a fake anger. 

Ijuuin looked at them both again before smiling gently, squeezing their hands back. 

"No excuses. But you two are in for a ride. And it won't always be a funny one."

Nowaki then pressed a gentle kiss on the man's cheek "When you get better, you'll get a proper kiss."

Ijuuin blushed deeply "It'll be worth the wait."

"It better be!" Hiroki exclaimed with pink cheeks. 

And it was. 

\-----------------------------------

Many months later, things had truly changed for Ijuuin Kyo. Although his pain had not been completely erased nor does he always have good days, he can definitely say that, for the first time in forever, his heart feels at ease and as if he now had the strength to face anything in life. 

And it was all thanks to those two men that completely turned his life upside down, for the better.

"Ijuuin-san, you're here." Nowaki smiled softly when he entered his apartment after a long day at the hospital. The sight of both his lovers waiting for him at home truly warmed his heart in the most special way. 

"Yo, Nowaki. You're late again." Hiroki huffed and Kyo giggled before leaning to kiss his lips. 

"It's okay, Hiroki-san. You can be happy that he got home safely." He teased and the other blushed before looking away. 

Nowaki smiled and he put his coat and backpack to the side before going into the apartment. He gently grabbed Hiroki's chin to make him look at him "I'm back, Hiro-san." He said before kissing him deeply. He felt his boyfriend moan lightly against his lips. 

"Welcome home, Nowaki." The other replied quietly, pecking his lips quickly before pulling away "Ah, you always make a mess!" He complained before going to get the other's bag from the ground. 

Ijuuin laughed very softly and then walked over to Nowaki, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him. It was a rather gentle one, filled with love and warmth "Welcome back, love." He said very tenderly, his lips brushing against the other's. 

"I'm back." Nowaki said, wrapping his arms around Ijuuin's waist and bringing him closer to kiss him again. 

"Hiroki-san and I had a lot of fun together." He teased once the other pulled away "We were waiting for you to continue." His voice was soft and velvety, and it made Nowaki groan. 

"Hiro-san...Come with us."

“We were just going through some books for reference.” Hiroki rolled his eyes fondly yet he still walked up to them. Nowaki unwrapped one arm from around Ijuuin to hold the shorter male as well. 

“It was very fun and entertaining to me.” Ijuuin teased as he giggled softly. 

“I want to have sex.” Nowaki suddenly said and his two lovers blushed. 

“You’re too blunt.” Hiroki huffed and Ijuuin nodded.

“You should take us out on a date first, Nowaki-san.” The mangaka teased and he smiled when the taller male nodded his head excitedly.

“I want us to go out on a date!”

_ Is this what happiness feels like? _

_ Because if it is, then I don’t ever want it to end.  _

_ I apologize, for being so selfish.  _

_ Mother, father, thank you for showing me what love’s not like. I wish you two could have experienced true love with each other, maybe then, I would have been happy from the beginning. Although I don’t hate you, I don’t wish to see you two ever again. _

_ I hope you can understand, _

_ With love, _

_ Ijuuin Kyo. _


End file.
